In our last post of The Five Love Languages Blog Series, we talked about what The Five Love Languages are and how to figure out which of the five is your “top” love language. If you haven’t yet taken the test, head to our previous blog post here! Today we’re going to be sharing HOW to implement the results of your Five Love Languages test into your relationship and marriage.
How exactly do I love my spouse based on their love language?
Most of the time, we won’t have the same top love language as our spouse. It happens, but oftentimes, it’s different from our own. When that happens, it can be really difficult to figure out how to really show love to your spouse in the way that they receive it the best. I know I’m always guilty of trying to love Ben using MY top love language (because that’s what I understand the best) rather than trying to love him in the way HE feels most loved! So today we’re going to talk about ways to easily implement each of The Five Love Languages into your marriage!
How do I implement The Five Love Languages into my marriage?
1. Acts of Service
Do What They Usually Do Themselves: In our relationships, it’s easy to go through the motions and have the things that one person usually does and then the other person has their things they usually do. Like the dishes, washing the car, grocery shopping, the laundry, etc. An easy way to love them through acts of service, is to do one of these things they usually do! So when they go to do that load of laundry and see it’s already been done, they’ll really be feeling loved!
Go Above and Beyond: If you offer to do something as a way of serving your spouse and follow through, then great! One way to make sure your acts of service really stand out to them and make them feel loved, is to go above and beyond. Maybe you say you’ll do the load of laundry in the laundry room — go ahead and do that load of laundry, but in addition, maybe clean the laundry room and organize it while you’re at it! They’ll surely feel loved when they find that you went above and beyond to serve them.
2. Words of Affirmation
Speak Against Lies: When we make mistakes or forget something, it’s easy for us to speak lies about ourselves like calling ourselves stupid or believing someone when they say we can’t do something. When our spouses speak these lies about themselves, speak against it and build them up with truth and what God says about them. Tell them why their thoughts aren’t true and what they need to hear!
Tell Them What They Need To Hear: Many times when your spouse has words of affirmation as their top love language, it’s because those words make them feel connected and cared for. A lot of times though, they don’t get told what they need to hear. So if your spouse is having a rough week at work and needs words of affirmation, let them know that you appreciate what they do for you by going to work, and then tell them WHY you appreciate it so much. If they’re struggling with their self image one day, remind them how beautiful/handsome they are and WHY you think so. If they aren’t feeling accepted one day, let them know why they’re important to you. These words will mean so much to your words of affirmation loving spouse!
3. Gift Giving
Ordering: When you and your spouse go out to eat or on a date night, pay attention to what they order! What are the things they like that bring joy to their heart? Is it the bacon cheese fries? Or the extra side of fries with their burger? Or maybe it’s just having a nice vanilla coke with their drink. Pay attention! That way next time you go out, you can either order ahead or surprise them with some of their favorite things!
Listen > Wait > Shop > Gift
This aspect of gift giving can take time, but it’s the money shot! Like I mentioned above, take time to LISTEN to what your spouse likes. Pay attention to the things they look at over and over online, or maybe even say out loud that they wish they could have. Listen closely, then WAIT. Most of the time, those with the gift giving love language like to be surprised, so don’t buy it then and there! Wait and use that time to SHOP so you can surprise them later! Then after you’ve shopped and made the purchase, GIFT it to them! They’ll be so excited and will feel so loved that you were intently listening to them and took the time to do something so sweet for them.
4. Quality Time
Set Aside: Usually after spending some time with your spouse through the dating and engaged years, you know the things they enjoy and what they like to do in their spare time. Many times, the things they enjoy will not really be anything you enjoy doing. For someone with quality time high on their love languages, setting aside time and instigating and outing doing something they really enjoy doing (especially if it’s something you’re not very interested in) will really make them feel loved! If instigating the outing doesn’t really fit, maybe just join in on something they’re already doing and invest that way. It lets them know that you really want to spend time with them and are putting forth the effort.
Common Ground: Many times newly married couples really struggle to find things that they really share interest in and have common ground in. Usually he likes video games, she likes playing tennis. You may have some small common ground like enjoying Starbucks and long drives, but most of the time you’ll have to put forth effort to find common ground. This is where you both start exploring new hobbies and activities together that neither of you really had interest in before. Try new sports outside, start watching new shows, playing games, eating new foods, explore new areas of the city, take a class together. All of these things are ways to encourage spending quality time with your spouse.
5. Physical Touch
The Little Things: Many times, it’s the little things that make a large impact. Look for opportunities to make physical contact. Holding hands while you’re walking in a parking lot, wrap your arm around them, touch your legs together, kisses on the cheek. These are all things that cater to their love language of physical touch.
For No Reason: One of the biggest ways to make someone feel loved is by doing something for no reason. You may not have been asked or even hinted at the fact that they wanted to hold hands or hug, you just did it for no reason. This lets them know that you want more than anything to be around them and can fulfill any physical needs they have.
Hand Holding: Hand holding is a very common thing that couples do together, but over time it seems to dissipate and disappear. If you find your spouse is usually the one who starts the hand holding, switch it up. Hold their hand when your shopping or driving in the car, it lets them know you’re there and care for them.